Step 1: Build a Time MachineFirst, you need a time machine. Yes, this part is tricky, but let’s not get bogged down in the details. Once you’ve figured out the mechanics of bending time and space, you’re already halfway to success.
Step 2: Travel Back to 2008Set the dials to the tail end of 2008, right before the pseudonymous Satoshi Nakamoto releases the Bitcoin whitepaper and mines the first Bitcoin block. You'll arrive in a world reeling from the financial crisis—perfect timing for what’s about to unfold.
Step 3: Gather Every Dollar, Dime, and PennyYou’re going to need capital. Here's the plan:
- Empty your savings accounts.
- Sell anything and everything you can—cars, houses, old baseball cards.
- Take out every loan possible, using your (future) knowledge of Bitcoin’s success as your unwavering motivation.
- Convince your friends, family, and even strangers to lend you money. Be persuasive! Tell them it’s for “a revolutionary new investment opportunity.”
Step 4: Go All-In on BitcoinNow, it’s time to find Bitcoin. Back then, it was practically worthless. You could buy thousands of Bitcoin for a couple of bucks, and mining it was as simple as using a basic computer. Purchase every Bitcoin you can, and if possible, set up a mining operation while you're at it.
Step 5: Wait... and Wait Some MoreFast forward a few years in your timeline (or use your time machine sparingly to check in). You’ll notice Bitcoin slowly gaining value. First, $1 per coin. Then $100. Then $1,000. By the time 2017 rolls around, Bitcoin hits an all-time high of nearly $20,000. And then, in 2021, Bitcoin surpasses $60,000.
But don’t sell yet—you’re playing the long game.
Step 6: Jump Back to the Present (15 Years Later)Now, hop forward to today (or beyond). Bitcoin is a global financial phenomenon. Your initial investment of a few hundred or thousand dollars back in 2008 has transformed into billions. Yes, billions. Your massive stash of Bitcoin makes you one of the wealthiest individuals alive.
Step 7: Live Like RoyaltyCongratulations! You’ve cracked the code to becoming rich. Buy that private island, build your dream mansion, and perhaps even fund a futuristic time travel research facility (because you owe your wealth to that machine).